


You Bring Out The Worst In Me

by Mutantrecord109



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Background Relationships, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Negan (Walking Dead), M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-20 19:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mutantrecord109/pseuds/Mutantrecord109
Relationships: Rick Grimes/Negan
Comments: 12
Kudos: 11





	1. Well, Hello There!

Rick was having trouble with his mortgage ever since his roommate left, so he has been looking for a new place to stay, and the pickings were slim so he got help from a friend and set him up with an apartment he was sharing with some guy. Okay, not a problem.

It was dark out when he found where the place was and set his bags down so he could dig the extra set of keys his friend gave him out from his pocket and unlock the door. Immediately as he stepped in a man wearing a leather jacket and small peppered beard with a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips shot up from the counter he was leaning on and almost dropped his phone. Rick slightly jumped in place. “Je-sus fucking hell give a man some warning next time before you come barging in. Well, I’m guessing your Glenn’s friends.” Rick nodded slightly, still taken aback by the guy. The man pulled the cigarette from his lips and put it out on an ashtray that sat idle on the counter. He let out a deep chuckle and set down his phone before walking over towards Rick. He held out his hand and Rick narrowed his eyes at the man who just scoffed, “I can take your bags.”

Rick chewed on the side of his mouth before handing him a suitcase, “uh...thanks.” The other man had the biggest white-toothed grin Rick ever saw.

“Your welcome.” He spoke before grabbing the other suitcase from where Rick set it down and motioned for Rick to follow him. Rick finally looked around the place and honestly, it wasn’t bad the place was mostly wooden...wooden floors, wooden walls, wooden counters, etc. It was bright. The door he came from lead directly to the kitchen near the back of it was another door that had a light coming out from under it and he could hear water running. He looked over to the living room that had a nice black couch with a red blanket draped over the back and two rainbow pillows on each end. Two big bean bags circled a table with the couch, there seemed to be a board game set with the pieces out scattered around it. Rick followed him to a hallway that led to three separate doors, two on both sides and one at the end, he turned left and set the suitcases near the door. “Here you go. So, what's your name?” 

Rick leaned against the open door and put his hands in his pockets, “It’s Rick, what's yours?”

“The names Negan.” The man-Negan stepped closer to him like he was sizing him up letting his eyes roam into Rick's beautiful soft blue ones. Rick felt his face heating a little and looked back at Negan who smiled that flashy grin again and his eyes drifted to Rick's lips, “I’ll go let Glenn know you got here all safe and sound.”

Rick cleared his throat before answering, “Right thanks.”

Negan walked out of the room and Rick let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He didn’t know what to even think of this situation. Rick decided he should go ahead and unpack instead of having to worry about it later which speaking of, his bedroom looked nice. There was a loft that held the bed over a shelf that had some books in it, there was a big window over at the end with a place to sit near it. On one wall there were Fairy Lights hanging from one side to the other with a wooden desk under them, in the middle of the room was a soft white rug, the room was beautiful. Suddenly there was a loud bang! Immediately Rick ran out to see what the hell was happening and-

“Glenn hurry the fuck up your friend is here!” 

It was Negan.

He was banging at the door rick saw earlier that connected to the kitchen. Rick walked closer and heard muffled yelling. “Would you give me a minute! You're going to break the door!”

“Whatever, just hurry up its game night!”

“It’s always game night!”

“Not on Tuesdays!” 

Rick walked over to the counter and leaned against it watching Negan turn back around and smile at him. “Well hello there. What are you up to Ricky?”

“Nothing…”

Negan looked unamused but he wasn’t about to let this conversation die out that quick. “Mh-hm well tell me something about yourself.” Rick raised his eyebrows, not sure what he was supposed to say to that. He was just Rick.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know...uh how about your job- if you have one.”

“I’m a police officer, it’s nothing special, just pays the bills and keep food in my stomach.”

“Wow...this is just getting depressing,” Negan spoke then went over to the fridge to grab out three cans of Dr.Pepper and went to go put them on the table in the living room then walked back taking off his leather jacket and throwing on one of the chair backs revealing a plain white t-shirt that was two sizes too small.

Finally, Glenn steps out of the bathroom with some pajamas on and a towel wrapped around his neck as he uses it to dry off his wet hair. “Hey Rick, glad you found your way here. Negan.” Rick can’t help the choked-off laugh he gives when Negan responds by flipping him off. Glenn claps his hands together, “Well then, would you like to join us for game night, Rick?”

“Of course he would, everyone who lives under this house has to participate in game night them's the rules!” Glenn was about to respond but whatever he was going to stay got cut off when Negan grabbed their hands and led them to the living room. “All right, what do you guys want to play? The tabletop game, or like truth or dare?”

“Definitely not last time we played that game you dared me to lick dirt!” Glenn sat on one of the bean bags while Negan and Rick sat on the couch maybe just a little closer than necessary. “How about two truths, one lie?”

Negan shrugged but Rick could see that sly smile a mile away pleased with himself. “Sure who wants to go first?” He grabbed one of the drinks from the table and handed it to Rick then opened one for himself taking a sip.

“I’ll go first.” Glenn gleefully said with a smile curling at his lips. “Uh let's see… I used to have a blue heeler named Red, I have been to Canada on a trip with my mother, and my first car was used for pizza delivery.” 

Negan set down his drink and huffed he looked over to Rick who was still clutching his, “I’m calling bullshit on the dog there is no way you would own a blue heeler.”

Glenn simply nodded and looked to Rick awaiting his answer to guess the lie. Rick hummed and felt a weight being placed on his shoulder...not metaphorically Negan was wrapping his arm around Rick and leaned in close to his ear, “Don’t let him trick you Ricky you got this.” He leaned back but had yet to remove his arm.

Rick snickered and earned an eyebrow raise from Negan, “You have never been to Canada especially not with your mother. Also, I remember Red, and your first job was to deliver pizzas. You still have the car. This is too easy.” 

“Rick got it right, I have never been to Canada.”

Negan hummed and shot a look at Rick before downing some more of his drink. “Lucky bastard, so who is going next...Blue Eyes?” It took Rick a good second to realize Negan was talking to him and he did a small quick 'oh' before answering.

“Alright let me think, I once went to a masquerade dance, I was the owl. I stayed up for three days straight with just caffeine alone. I hate cats.”

“That is a fucking lie no one can hate cats! Also...did you really do the other two because I'm concerned.” Negan scoffed before rubbing the back of his neck. 

“It has to be the third.” Glenn threw in.

“Okay yeah, you’re right.” Rick felt himself smile and look back over to Negan who was smiling back at him. “Your turn.”

Negan’s smile only grew before he replied, “Nah, I’m good I think I’ll head to bed anyway. Good night you two.” Negan patted Rick on the shoulder before getting up and running his hands through his dark hair. He started walking down the hallway to the end until he reached his door and entered closing it behind him.

Rick and Glenn both looked at each other than to the clock that read eleven fifteen. “Maybe I should get some rest,” Glenn spoke first.

“Yeah, me too I got work first thing tomorrow.” Rick agreed and they both went to their separate rooms.

Glenn closed his door and took his phone from his pocket scrolling through his contacts and hit call, “Maggie your gonna want to hear this shit!”

  
  



	2. Even Dead She Always Helps Him The Most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Three days have passed since the first chapter. Also please read the tags, I add new ones in almost every chapter and I really don't want to be the cause of someone reliving their nightmare or something by being reminded of an incident when I write these scenes.

Negan awoke earlier than Glenn or Rick the first thing he did was reach for his phone and unplugged it checking the time  _ Nine Twenty Am Saturday, October Sixth _ . He groaned and placed his phone back on the bedside counter. He reluctantly got up and skimmed through his wardrobe dragging out grey jeans, a white long sleeve shirt, and his leather jacket. Simple yet stylish, and just for the shits and giggles he threw in a Beanie to accompany it. Negan cracked his neck and went to go take a long soothing shower and rip the sleep from his eyes. He was surprised to see no one else awake especially officer friendly seeing as that man can just jump right up at five in the morning and be ready for a long day of work. Glenn on the other hand can sleep for fifteen hours straight and still be tired. Negan snickered to himself and closed the door to the bathroom behind him locking it on instinct. 

He shrugged out of his clothing and stepped in the shower feeling the warm water on his back and poor in his hair as he laid his head against the wall. He tensed when he felt the water run over the burn marks on his upper arms left by cigarettes. Shivering as a dark cold feeling seeped in on the marks.

Negan stayed up for a couple more hours sitting near the coffee pot taking small sips from his cup. It was almost like something just had to happen that day, he heard something that made a deep chill settle on his bones. Rick was screaming. 

Immediately he slammed his cup on the counter and ran over to Rick’s room. He swung his foot back and slammed it into the door kicking it open with enough force. Rick was standing on his chair looking at the floor. “Rick! What’s wrong?!”

“Oh god, it was fucking huge! A spider- fucking hell I don’t know where it- Fuck there it is!” Negan doubled over laughing, holding his stomach. “Would you shut the fuck up and kill it!” 

“Yeah- Yeah I got it.” Negan held back the laughter that was just dying to spill out, he walked over to where Rick was pointing and well he wasn’t wrong it was pretty big. Negan simply stomped on the little fucker with his boot and once again just to be safe. “There you go darling, alright be careful-”, He grabbed Rick’s arm to help him down and that just seemed to make the chair want to slip out from underneath him. “Why did you stand on the only chair that has wheels on it?” He grabbed Rick’s waist and just picked him up, then set him on his feet. “There we go, damn, alright I’ll go get something too,” He waved his hand in the dead spider’s direction, “Clean that shit.”

“Right...uh, do you know what time it is?”

Negan pulled out his phone, “It’s ten till eleven.” He heard Rick groan and stashed his phone away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just need to get ready, my kids will be here in an hour,” Rick spoke quickly as he went to go grab some clothes from his wardrobe. Negan pursued behind as his eyebrows shot up. Kids. 

“You have kids?”

“Hm? Yeah, a boy Carl and a little girl named Judith.” Rick just grabbed whatever he could and booked it to the bathroom stopping just before he closed the door, “Sorry to cut this conversation short but you know.”

Negan grinned wickedly, “Aw, are you sure you don’t want me to come in there with you? We could continue the very interesting conversation we were having that I totally remember. Besides,” He smirked. “I’m a great cuddler.” 

Rick did a dry chuckle, feeling his face turn red way too quick as he tried to hide it behind the door, “Not this time.” He shut the door before allowing himself to embarrass him more. 

Negan smiled to himself before turning around and- “HOLY-fuck Glenn what are you doing here?” Glenn was staring at him as if he just said the stupidest thing, which he did.

“I live here…”

“Oh yeah.”

“Right. Uh anyways was someone screaming earlier?” Negan choked on his laughter ready to tell Glenn the whole story, then he cleaned up the dead spider’s corpse after Rick yelled at him about it.

\- 

Negan was stretched out on the couch, Glenn was sitting at the end of it with Negan's head in his lap, they were just playing Call of Duty World War II, as they were playing the doorbell went off and Rick bolted from his room to the front door. Negan simply smiled to himself and sat up so he could see the door while still focusing on the game. Once Rick opened it the first thing he said was, “Lori!” That earned a few raised eyebrows. And by few I mean Negan. Just Negan. Suddenly all of his attention was focused on Rick ignoring Glenn's warning about how he was about to die. He shifted his head over as if it would help him see whoever was behind the door. It didn’t. He grumbled and got up leaving the controller on the couch and heard a soft voice speaking from the other side of the door so close yet the voice was so quiet. He walked to the kitchen and slid an arm on the counter. “Uh yeah- I’ll drop them off tomorrow. Thank you again really.” He heard Rick utter. He finally got a look at the woman she was tall, dark-haired, nothing stood out except she didn’t wear a golden ring while Rick did. 

Before Negan could put too much thought into it he heard fast-paced footsteps, and a cute whine was called out, “Daddy!” Negan watched Rick’s face turn to complete bliss as he scooped up a small girl that couldn’t be any older than three and a half. 

“Hey sweetheart, have you been good?” The girl- Judith, Negan remembered, nodded and hugged Rick as her hat squished in between them, only making her giggle. Negan couldn’t help but burst into a large genuine smile. More footsteps, slower ones this time, appeared and a teenager maybe seventeen showed up from behind the woman. The kid was hiding one of his eyes behind his long hair and smiled up at Rick saying a soft, ”Hey dad.” before giving him a one-armed hug. “Hey, kiddo.” Rick turned his attention back to Lori. “Do you want to come in? I could grab you a drink…”

“No thanks, I should really get going. I need to clean the house up a bit.”

“Alright, say bye to mommy Jude.”

Judith smiled and waved her hand while still clinging to Rick, “Bye mommy!” Lori smiled and moved in to kiss Judith's head then rubbed an affectionate hand over Carls. “Be good you two, and stay out of trouble. I love you both.” She replied before walking off to her car. 

Rick walked back inside with Carl following him and bumped into the fucking brick wall named Negan. “Jesus!”

Negan smirked and let out a small chuckle as a hand almost instinctively came to rest on the backside of Rick's shoulder, not being able to help himself as he leaned into the other man's warmth Ignoring the side-eye he got from Carl. “Not quite, so are you going to introduce me to these little bundles of joys or not?” 

“Uh, Negan Carl, Carl Negan, Negan Judith, Judith Negan- there we go!” Carl let out a soft huff as a slight smile took over his face, he began walking over to Glenn who high-fived him and gave him Negan's controller that was no longer of use. Rick bounced Judith on his hip watching Negan. Well watching his eyes, how they dilated once he set eyes on Judith, how the hazel in his eyes seemed to glow. Judith smiled at him and reached for Negan arms outstretched. Rick smiled, “Do you want to hold her?”

Negan tense and looked up at Rick; it only took a second to realize what he had done and was quick to mask it up with his grin and a deep chuckle. “That probably isn’t the best idea blue eyes-”

“Come on just look at this cute face-” Rick lifted Judith in front of him and lightly shook her making Judith break out into laughter as she lightly chewed on her finger. “You're not allowed to say no. What's the worst that can happen?”

“I could drop her!”

Rick gave him the ‘really’ face you know the one where he cranks his head to the side and narrows his eye. Judith being the adorable doll that she is mimics her father and Negan admits it’s the cutest thing he has experienced. “Are you really going to let this girl down, come on there is no possible way for you to drop her, you want to know why?” He didn’t wait for Negan to answer, “Because I’m right here if you do somehow drop her with your brick for arms I’ll catch her also I’ll kill you if you drop her but still that's not the point.” 

Negan sighed and pushed the worry he felt down, “Okay…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Rick smiled and helped Negan hold her correctly to where she was sitting up in his arms. Judith smiled at him and grabbed at his beard and Negan swore he melted right then and there. He pressed his forehead against Judiths closing his eyes and felt tears work their way to his eyes. He tried so hard to push them back but he just couldn’t, he heard himself start sniffling and tears escaped slowly making their way down his face. Rick immediately grew worried and placed a hand on the back of Negan's neck. “Negan?” Negan gasped as his cries grew harder. Everyone was silent; he knew all eyes were on him, Rick, Judith, Glenn, Carl, everything was so quiet... He pushed Judith back into Rick's arms making sure he had a grip on her before fleeing towards the bathroom and locking the door. His safe place. 

Negan felt like he was choking and couldn’t get enough air he kept trying to breathe but the more he noticed it the more panic set in and he let out loud sobs. He kept his palm over his mouth trying to silence himself and it just wasn’t working. He felt like he was drenched in his own sweat, fighting off the urge to throw something across the room instead he sunk in on himself dropping to the floor and curling up he just had to remember- fuck what did Lucille tell him to do? Count to ten three times the second time backward and the third out of order...Right? He felt himself whisper, “One...Two...Three-” He took a deep breath after finishing the first set. “Ten...Nine...Eight-” another deep breath, “One...Seven...Ten.” Negan felt a feeling of warmth rush through him remembering how Lucille would always whisper the numbers for him, soothing him.

Even dead she always helps him the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard to write a good panic attack scene, personally, I have never had one so I don't really know the best ways to deal with it. I apologize for any offense that could have caused. I got help from these articles: https://www.writerscookbook.com/how-to-write-a-panic-attack/ and https://referenceforwriters.tumblr.com/post/51440308169/information-on-panic-attacks so big thanks to them. I wish to thank everyone for reading this I hope you guys are having a good two-in-the-morning read.
> 
> Also, I was thinking of switching perspectives from Rick to Negan in each chapter like how I did with the first and this one, if you guys could share any thoughts on that idea I would love to know what you think about it!


End file.
